Why is it so easy to feel alone when you’re surrounded by people?
When I get that feeling, I usually know I’m not alone. I have family and friends who love me. I have the Holy Spirit in me and a God who will never leave me—but that doesn’t change that I feel lonely.
Usually, my loneliness comes in short bursts. A couple of hours, and then it goes away. I thank God that I only have to struggle with the feeling for a short time.
Have you felt alone lately?
Though it may seem like it, you are not alone in your struggles. You have a Savior who was tempted in the same ways you are and who can relate to you (Hebrews 4:15). You’re also not alone in feeling alone—there are many times in the Bible when someone feels that way and cries out to God.
Just look at Psalm 10, for instance. David writes, “Why, O Lord, do You stand far away? Why do You hide yourself in times of trouble?” (verse 1). In Psalm 13:1, he expresses a similar feeling. “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?”
And in Psalm 12:1, David writes about how he feels alone because the people around him don’t know God. “Save, O Lord, for the godly one is gone; for the faithful have vanished among the children of man.”
Jesus may have felt lonely during His time on Earth, too. He, a perfect man, was living among sinners—sinners He loved, but people who were different from Him nonetheless. People who disrespected Him, taunted Him… killed Him.
When Jesus died, we know He felt alone because He cried out, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46). When the burden of sin was laid on Jesus, He was separated from God, because a holy God cannot be close to unholiness.
So, you are not alone. In the Bible, there are people who went through the same things you’re going through. And in the church, there are people who love Jesus in the same way you do and want to encourage you and walk alongside you.
But, because it can be hard not to feel lonely even when you know you’re not, here are some things I notice about loneliness.
1.Lack of rest can make us feel lonely.
When I feel alone, I’m usually tired and don’t have much energy for interacting. This makes my conversations less wholehearted, and I start to feel discouraged. “That was an uninteresting conversation,” I think. “I must bore people.” Because I’m tired and don’t feel good already, those thoughts do more damage. I start to think other people probably don’t want to talk to me.
Really, I don’t need to be more interesting. I need to get more rest.
When I’m better rested, I have more energy to pour into loving other people, I have more energy for following Jesus, and I feel better, too.
One way we can get rest is by turning off our devices, both to rest our eyes and so we can have more real, face-to-face interaction. Getting to bed early can help give us rest, too. So can taking a break from work or school and doing something relaxing, like reading, playing piano, or hanging out with family.
2.Technology and social media make loneliness worse.
Why would we think that seeing pictures of other people having fun while we’re not would make us feel good? It doesn’t make sense. But we turn to social media anyway.
Scrolling through Instagram doesn’t make things better. It doesn’t solve any problems—in fact, it often makes the feeling of loneliness worse. Screens in general do this—they tire us out and take up time that we could be using to interact with others.
Sometimes, we need to disconnect. Try to put effort into interacting with people in person. Seeing real smiles and hearing laughter ring through the air is better than see a smiley face or a “haha” from a text.
3.When we’re lonely, we don’t interact as well.
I’m more tired. I’m impatient with my family. Loneliness only draws me into more loneliness. If I let the feeling get the better of me, it will continue. Like a wheel rolling down a hill, it wants to keep going.
But if I push back, the wheel of loneliness will stop rolling.
I know that if I force myself to interact with the right kind of people, it will make me feel better. If I interact with fellow believers, with people who love the same God I do, this helps even more.
When we’re lonely, we are often too focused on ourselves. Get your mind off of yourself! Serve others joyfully and spend time with them.
If you don’t want to interact when you’re lonely, put effort into interacting anyway. Yes, there are times when we are tired and need rest, but if we’re longing for human interaction, we should try to satisfy that longing.
4.Reading the Bible and praying helps.
Something about the words on the silver-lined pages of my Bible brings me joy—even if I don’t always fully understand them. Knowing that God is with me and that He sees me lets me know that I am not alone.
Pull out your Bible if you’re lonely—or if you feel fine. I promise it will benefit you either way. Pray to God. Eliminate the distractions that exacerbate your loneliness.
The emotion of loneliness isn’t a sin, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. There are ways to lessen that feeling and remind ourselves that God is with us.
Ah man, what an encouraging post. I hadn't thought about how rest helps—but it totally does, and I'm going to remember that. It's a vicious cycle that is possible to break.