Gossip is a common sin, one that is ‘small’ and easy to do. If we know something about someone and that person comes up in conversation, it can be hard not to tell everybody the interesting news we have. And if we are in a conversation full of gossip, it can be hard not to participate so we can fit in.
No matter how hard it is to avoid, gossip is hurtful like all sins. Think about it: have you ever seen someone ruined by slander, whether it be a celebrity or someone you personally know? One of the women who hosts a podcast (It Matters) I listen to has been hurt by slander. I know of a singer whose career was hurt when another singer wrote a song about the bad things he did.
Gossip can be small or big, it can seem important or meaningless. It can be intentional or unintentional, ill-willed or not, but it is gossip all the same. And gossip hurts. It hurts the one gossipped about, but it also hurts the gossiper just like any sin hurts the soul of the one who committed it.
How to know when you gossip
Gossip comes in many different forms. I recently read an article about 8 different types of gossip. It pointed out that gossip can be slander, but it can also be a mean joke that plays on someone’s weaknesses. Gossip can be whispered personal news about someone, but it can also be something you imply about someone. An It Matters episode I listened to mentioned that gossip can even come in the form of prayer requests. When we share personal information in prayer requests, the information can get around easily. It can be more meaningful to say “Pray for this person” and leave it at that than it can be to dish the latest news about their life and then ask people to pray for them.
We also participate in gossip by listening to it and saying things that aren’t necessarily intended to be mean, but still imply something bad about someone. For example someone could say, “Do you notice how he’s always staring at that girl?” or detail how “So-and-so is so messy!” while giving a disapproving look, and they would be gossiping. Gossip doesn’t have to be juicy news to qualify as gossip.
If you feel guilty about saying something or suspect that it could have been gossip, it probably is gossip. The nagging feeling inside of you to repent or apologize may be the Holy Spirit nudging you and leading you in the right direction.
How to stop gossiping
Most of us know we shouldn’t gossip. The Bible clearly tells us to speak graciously to build up others and points out the evil that words can cause, especially focusing on the evils of the tongue in James 3. James writes that the tongue cannot be tamed. If our tongue can’t be tamed, do we have any hope? Should we resign to the desire of our flesh and gossip?
Of course not! Jesus is bringing a good work in us to completion (Philippians 1:6) which means when we ascend to Heaven with Him, we will be conformed to His image. We will be able to love with the same love with which He loved us; to speak with perfect grace and truth. The difference is that we are not able to do it on our own. As much as we look forward to that day when we will ascend to Heaven, it is not yet here. These are some ways we can work to stop gossip on Earth:
Saturate your heart with Scripture. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). If you are feeding your heart with Scripture and training it to love the things of God, what you say will reflect that. What goes in comes out, which is why we should be careful what we consume (figuratively). Jesus set the perfect example of speaking with grace and truth in the Bible. Reading about His example can help us imitate it. We should study how Jesus and His apostles spoke to learn how we should speak. The Bible gives many instructions on how to conduct ourselves regarding speech (Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 13:3, James 1:19, Proverbs 11:13, etc).
Think before you speak. “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4). Words have power; more power than sticks or stones, despite the saying. It’s hard to think before speaking; we tend to speak rashly and eagerly. And there’s nothing wrong with speaking eagerly- we should be eager to build others up, the problem comes when we are quick to tear others down. If you are about to say something and begin to doubt it, stop and think about whether the information needs to be said and the effect it will have on others.
Repent when you are guilty of gossip. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Gossip is a sin. And just like with any other sin, when we gossip, we have to repent and ask God to lead us in the right direction. Recognizing and repenting of our guilt will help us desire not to gossip.
Pray about it! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “pray without ceasing.” Gossip, like every other subject, is something we should pray about. Ask the Lord to change your heart so you will not desire to gossip and fill you with the Spirit so you can exercise self-control. Prayer is powerful! “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us” (1 John 5:14). God hears your prayer, and God will accomplish His will. If it is in God’s will to overcome a gossip problem (it is, because it is in His will to conform us to Jesus’ image), through Him you can overcome a gossip problem.
Focus on the good. This relates to saturating your heart with Scripture and praying about gossip. Colossians 3:2 tells us to focus our minds on things above. Philippians 4:8 says, “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” When our minds are focused on good things, on God things, we will talk about the good. Focus on the good God has done and talk about how thankful you are for it! Notice what other people have done right instead of what they’ve done wrong and mention it in conversation!
What to do when others gossip
The hardest part of gossip for me is knowing how to respond when others gossip. I don’t want to join in, so I usually say nothing or throw in a compliment about the person they’re gossiping about. But many times, I wonder if it seems like I’m judging people when I remain silent.
We need to extend grace to others as God extended grace to us. If the person gossiping is a fellow believer, it is our job to rebuke them and point them in the right direction. “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). I know that if I were falling into sin, I would want a friend to warn me to keep me from further sin.
If the person gossiping is not a believer, we must remember that they have no standard to follow like we do and therefore may not realize how wrong gossip is. You can still mention that gossip bothers you, but in this situation our main job is to point others to Jesus. We should share and live out the Gospel so that this person will see the love of Jesus. If they become a Christian, this is when we rebuke them and lead them in the right direction, but they probably don’t care about Biblical arguments if they’re not a Christian.
Gossip the Gospel.
A phrase the leaders in my church use is “gossip the Gospel.” People love to learn juicy news, so why not spread the best news ever? Jesus commanded us to share the Gospel with everyone! If people know the Gospel and the message of love it contains, more people will come to Christ. Gossip is a weapon of Satan and the Gospel has defeated Satan. To defeat Satan’s tools (gossip), we must use the Gospel.
Christians are called to be different from the rest of the world (Ephesians 4:17). We are not to partake in what the world does, but we are to live like Jesus. It will stand out if we decide not to join in on gossip and sin that the world enjoys. All sin is damaging, and this includes gossip. Think of the rewards of not gossiping: you will avoid unnecessarily hurting others and maybe someone will notice your restraint. Ask God to guide your tongue to speak encouraging and upbuilding words.
This is really well written. I especially liked the verses you use and how many solutions you gave. Gossiping is not really talked about (I think), and it’s really nice that you shined light on this issue.
This is convicting. Gossip is pervasive, and like you said, it's hard not to do if your friends are. But, also like you said—God can guide our tongues!